By: Maximus

Liberals love groups. They love to be a part of something they believe is bigger than themselves. In the “collective” we trust they say silently.

One of their biggest mantra’s is being open and tolerable, something Conservatives can’t do because they ironically believe we are all simply...Americans, not hyphenated versions of an American.

There are a few rules to remember if you want to fit in though:

If you have blond hair, blue eyes, peach skin, and your family immigrated from Germany 30 years ago, you are just an American.
If you have dark skin, dark eyes, and your family came over from the continent of Africa in the 1700’s, you are African-American.
If you have black hair, olive skin, and your family crossed illegally from Mexico, you are Mexican-American (don’t worry, the Democrat party will legitimize this by spring).
If you have brown hair, brown eyes, peach skin, and speak with a British accent having just legally immigrated 10 years ago, you are an American.
If you have blond hair, green eyes, peach skin, and your family immigrated from Norway 40 years ago, you are an American.
If you have peach toned skin and fly an American flag from your home you are a racist, homophobe, and a Jesus freak.
If you have olive or dark brown skin and you fly a flag from the country where your family originally immigrated, whether it was 5 years ago or 300 years ago, you are simply honoring your heritage.
If you hyphenate, you are not to be seen at Wal-mart.

Today we salute you Mr. and Mrs. Hyphenated-American, divided we stand, divided we are falling.