Somali Pirates and the Liberals That Love Them

Well now, it seems the Maersk Alabama, the U.S. Flagged ship was attacked yesterday by Somali pirates for the second time. I'm sure you all remember the first time.

In April of this year, the Maersk Alabama, which was carrying more than 5000 metric tons of aid for Somalia, was taken over by Somali "pirates" in what seemed would be a successful violent hijacking. But they hit a little snag. The crew of the Maersk Alabama scuttled their shitty little skiff, locked themselves in the engine room and took one of the muslim marauders captive. Unfortunately, Maersk Captain Phillips, honorable man that he is, remained on the Bridge while his crew sought safety belowdeck. In the meantime, the engineers of the Alabama took control away from the ship from down below, trapping the pirates on board a useless ship. In frustration, the pirates took Captain Phillips hostage, comandeering one of the Maersk's lifeboats, since their own ship had since met a watery grave at the hands of the brave sailors. The U.S. Destroyer USS Bainbridge scrambled to the scene, and five days later, U.S. Navy Seal snipers, after determining Captain Phillip's life was in immediate danger aboard the Somali controlled lifeboat and getting the all clear, blew the three pirates' heads off simultaneously, and rescued Captain Phillips. I quite enjoy that ending.

Now, however, these dumb shits tried to take over the Maersk again just yesterday, while at the same time lauding the death of a North Korean captain who had died from wounds he received during a hijacking. They weren't prepared, however, for the fact that the Maersk Alabama had a private "security" team on board, and were soon sent packing, facing fire from the Maersk, as well as the lovely sound of high decibel noise devices.

But this really isn't the story, because you know just reporting the news isn't my way. No, the story is the two opposing solutions to these attacks. Let's explore them now, shall we?

The Liberal Way:

Roger Middleton, a piracy expert, uh huh, at the London based "think tank" (don't you love that word?) Chatham House, said the maritime community is still "solidly against" armed security details aboard ships. He sourly noted, however, that us damn Yanks take a different approach.

"Shipping companies are still pretty much overwhelmingly opposed to the idea of armed guards. Lots of private security companies employee people who don't have maritime experience. Also, there's the idea that it's the responsibility of states and navies to provide security. I would think it's a step backward if we start privatizing security of the shipping trade." Suck it up, you liberal pansy. Maybe you Brits don't mind your citizens being killed by a bunch of crazy muslim fu**ers, but we do.

How are Paul and Rachel Chandler doing nowadays? Oh, you already forgot them, huh? Let me remind you. They're the lovely couple who were taken hostage by Somali pirates while your Royal Navy watched it happen from 100 yards away and didn't do a damn thing. That was in October. Since then, the pirates have promised to "burn the bones" of this couple...and what have you done about it? Not a damn thing

The Conservative Way:

Outfit every damn ship with massive firepower, and everytime one of these little bastards tries something, turn them into Hamburger Helper. STOP giving aid to the countries that condone, by simply looking the other way, these pirates. How effing hard is this? Noooo, you G-damn liberal tulips want to embrace them, after all, you would say, they're starving...then why are they attacking ships that bear aid to their people? Um, what a load of stinking cow pies. First, they're cowardly little shits, running at the first sign of danger, and second, they continue to do this because every liberal European country keeps paying them off. God, would you people grow a pair? And if you can't stomach a little killing of scum, go bury your heads in the sand and get the hell out of the way!